i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
