Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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