Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
