i just had sex bonerless
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
