You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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