I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
