I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
