WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
people are starting to question the shark bite story
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
