she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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