is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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