i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
