You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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