More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
