I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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