Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
