I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
