I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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