Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
