can u get pink eye on your cock?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
