It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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