Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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