I am puke
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
