So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
