I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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