Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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