And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
