I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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