we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
