Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize