i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
