just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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