Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
