I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
either way he was missing a nipple.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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