i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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