tell your sister to shave her snatch
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
