Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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