The maid of honor just puked.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Blood and glitter go together right?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
