I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
