What did we do last night that was yellow?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize