"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
