my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
did i just pee glitter
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
