So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
