Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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