his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
