that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do vagina's smell?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
