god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i drank out of a bidet.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
