There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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