matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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