Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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