I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
