Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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