sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
