It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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