I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
