if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
