:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
