I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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