she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
