And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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