Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
