i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
