it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
