when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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