I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
