just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
