someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
