I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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