I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
