I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
