i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
