I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
