just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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