It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
