so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
God, you're like boner-b-gone
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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