shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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