Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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