wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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