haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
